Chronicles Of SPT

Anonymous: “I am sorry you could make the lunch (with Steve Basson) today”
Me: ?
Anonymous: “Well I hope you can make it next time” stomping off
Me to myself: “Wow I didn’t think it was that big a deal especially because I went running with him yesterday”

Steve Basson My old bosses boss: "I bet you 5 dollars you can't lap me"
Me: " I am just going easy today"
SB: "You ok?"
Me: "Yeh, I just did a lot yesterady and I am hoping to get out tonight."
Mike Tirrel a guy a run with: "Oh yeh, where are you going?"
Me: " Just the streets of wethersfield,"
MT: perplexed look
Me:" for like anouther 10 or 12."
MT: "Ahh i thought you ment OUT OUT."
Me: "HA i havent had a social life since i was a sophmore in highshool!"

Me: “You ok? Cause you are smiling way to much for someone with that much work”
Mike my genius neighbor: “Perpensity to smile”
Me: “What?”
Mike: “Well its like a concave up graph with stress on the x axis and smiling on the y”
Me: “Ahhh… what?”
Mike: “Without stress the likely hood to smile is high… As stress increases smiling goes down until you hit the “breaking point” and then it increases again to the same height as when it started”
Me: “You should copy write that”

Me: "Wow that meeting was horrible."
Mike my old cube neighbor: "Yeh I think I caught about 5% of it."
Me: "I was just trying to not to laugh. I was looking around at everyone's face and see that everyone looks so burned out and pissed off."
Mike: "Yeh she has to be an idiot not to see that. But somehow she doesn't."
Me: "I don't know how she could have made it so far and not even be able to realize her staff is miserable."
Mike: "My day is coming soon. Days like today just make me just want to leave now."
Me: "I don't know how you come in everyday knowing you are going to quite in seven weeks."
Mike: "Well honestly I would not be able to either if I thought about it as seven weeks. Every day I wake up and I think to myself well is it worth the one days salary to go to work today. And so far its been "yes it is". But I am not sure how much longer it will be."
Both of us: HAHAHA

Robert a co worker: “Jims if you won a few million dollars would you come in the next day?”
Jim Rector my neighbor: “I would come in and finish what ever project I had”
Me: HAHAHA “No way… I would call Laura and say Sorry I am done… good luck with everything”
Robert: “I would come in… so Jim (Me) you would screw us?”
Me: “Sorry if I had a few million in the bank I would be useless to you anyways. You think I would get anything done?... Heck I am just saveing my money so I can retire young”
Jim: “So what young?”
Me: “As soon as possible”
Jim with a calculator: “Lets say 21 more years… Only 4935 days left”
Me frowning:
Jim and Robert: HAHAHA
Next day Jim: “Only 4934 days to go” HAHAHAHA

Jim Rector my cube neighbor: “Jim did you see your new office?”
Me: “Ha… they will never give me an office… I am more likely to come in one day and have a ladder in front of my cube and another cube on top of mine with some one standing there saying “Ahh Jim (Me) we needed the room… We had to bunk you… your on top”… its destine to happen”
Jim: HAHAHA
ME: “I am serious”

Anonymous: "Nora so i am going to leave the wirly ball crown"
Nora: "Thanks, hey Jim how come you don't ever play with us? Its fun"
Me: "I am too competive to play with co workers. I dont want to get myself in trouble."
Anonymous: "Thats stupid."
Me: "Well I think I angered some people at the soft ball game."
Nora and Anonymous: "How?"
Me: "Well there was question of wether my foot was on the bag."
Anonymous: "They should have been out then."
Me: "well acually it was mee running towards the base and the women with the ball was Straddling the base."
Anonymous: "Then you should have been out."
Me: "Well she wasn't on the base."
Anonymous spitefully: "Well its good you dont play then."
Nora looks at me like "Jim dont get mad, its ok, dont say anything you would regret."
Me smiling thinking "That’s why I am a competitive athlete and you are a flabby 200+ ugly sloth": "Yeh."

At a lunch with my new unit and Our bosses.
Elizabeth: "I think im going to get _______(I forgot what she said but its not important)."
Mark: "I am going to get the salad with the blue cheese on it to make you jealous."
Me: "I don' get it."
Mark: "Yeh she is obsessed with blue cheese."
Elizabeth: "Yeh you dont want to go wing for wing with me at Hooters!"

Later on at the same lunch.
Me: "Have you ever been to franklin grinder?"
Wie and Elizabeth: "Nope?"
Elizabeth: "Is it cheap?"
Me: "Well a large is expensive but a small is all you need?"
Elizabeth: "I eat alot how big is a small?"
Me: "Well its this tall and about 7 inches for a small?"
Elizabeth: "How big is a large?"
Me: "14inches!"
My Boss blushing: "Wow that impressive!"

Eric: "You know what i got out of school it was like rap or insurance, rap, insurance, rap, insurance."
Steph's Boyfriend: "And you choose insurance?"
Eric: "Well I could never resist a combined ratio!"

Mike (My Lawyer): “Jim, how do you cure a roman catholic nymphomaniac?”
Me: “How?”
Mike: “Marry them!”
Me: “Or just date them for five!”

Mike (My Lawyer): “Jim let me tell you something. The last decision you will ever make is when to you give her the ring.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAHA!”

Email from Dianne, the head of the LDP program, on Thursday: “Mandatory meeting at 2 tomorrow”
Martin at 1:59 as we approach the closed door: “I guess we are late.”
Me: “My watch says we still got 30sec.”
Dianne as we walk in: “Just the two people we are going to have to let go.”
Martin as I turn around to walk out the door: “Ahhhh Ok?”
Everyone in the room: “HAHAHAHAHA.”
Dianne smiling: “Ok sit down.”
After everyone gets settled Dianne serious: “Ok I wanted to tell you this all face to face before you heard it second hand. The market has drastically changed. We just gave our offers to next years class and it’s more then some of you make. So for all of you that have been crunched we are trying to get you all raises by the end for the year.”
Me a few minutes later as we all walk out slapping Martins hand as hard as I can: “YESSSSSS!!!!!!!”